The Secret Lives of Big and Little Spoons: A Cuddling Investigation

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I’d clock myself as a 50/50 spooner: part little, part massive, each in apply and in choice. In discussing stated break up with my spouse, he stated he’d by no means prior to participated in such egalitarian cuddling. He’d at all times been the massive spoon in earlier relationships, possibly as a result of he’s 6’2, and he used to be all at once satisfied males of all sizes had been lacking out. Were they? Was our association abnormal? Did of a wide variety have spooning insurance policies with emotional underpinnings? These questions struck us as necessary instantly, and so I busied myself with gathering knowledge, unaware this could develop into my pièce de résistance.

First, I requested two of my male roommates in the event that they preferred to spoon or be spooned. Joe admitted he’d by no means been the little spoon prior to, however used to be beautiful positive he wouldn’t love it. “I’m a protective type,” he stated. Unconvinced, as a result of being spooned is heaven, I requested him if he idea his masculinity had the rest to do with it. “I hope not,” he stated, “but I guess it’s possible.”

“I’ll be the little spoon. I don’t give a shit,” Mark stated optimistically, no longer unexpected me.

I wanted extra knowledge.

Over the following two days, I introduced an Instagram-wide investigation into normative cuddling habits. To my wonder, I were given loads of responses virtually immediately. Suddenly my DM inbox used to be jam-packed with the cute main points of other folks’s non-public cuddling behavior. It used to be like I’d stumbled upon the name of the game lives of spooners. I will be able to’t say with specific simple task that this matter is inherently natural, however undertaking this analysis used to be a shot of pleasure to the center. Below I’ve documented my learnings with supporting proof from nameless bed-sharers. Trust that for each quote, there have been 5 extra love it. People weren’t kidding round.

Please enter your own spooning coverage under. It’s time for spooning to go into our public discourse, if no longer for the propagation of shame-free cuddling at huge, a minimum of to heat the hearts and minds of humanity.

Learning #1: Many heterosexual ladies wish to be the massive spoon.

1. “My reasons for big spooning are simple: My fiancé runs very hot and so he basically functions as a full body-heating pad. It feels great on my tummy.”

2. “Big spoon almost 97% of the time, to an extent where I can’t totally fall asleep unless I’m big-spooning him while he does a lil booty pop for ultimate cuddle compression.”

three. “I enjoy both, but part of me prefers to be the big spoon, to be honest…he’s such a little cutie when I’m the big spoon!”

four. “I always get forced into the little spoon position, which is comforting, but I prefer being the big.”

6. “Always the big spoon! If it’s a new relationship and they spoon me, it’s always a sign that things are going well if I turn and ask if I can spoon them. Yes, I ask, because men are weirded out by it!”

Learning #2: Many heterosexual males wish to be the little spoon. 

1. “I’m a woman and have a boyfriend who LOVES to be the little spoon. I actually started off as the little spoon and then one day we just switched and he is literally obsessed with it.”

2. “He definitely prefers being the little spoon and has no problem letting me know that. However, I can’t see him bragging to the guys about this.”

three. “I’ve been dating a big Nordic man who is 6’4″ for four years and he FUCKING LIVES TO BE THE LITTLE SPOON.”

four. “I’m a woman. My boy and I usually trade off on spoon sizes, even though he probably wishes I would take charge and big-spoon him every time.”

the secret lives of big and little spoons a cuddling investigation - The Secret Lives of Big and Little Spoons: A Cuddling Investigation

five. “I like to be both, but apparently for my boyfriend this is a new thing. He always felt like he had to be the ‘strong’ one in a relationship. He keeps on talking about how amazing it is to be the small spoon.”

Learning #three: Some battle over the little spoon place.

1. “My husband LIVES to be the little spoon. I loathe it. I want to be the little spoon. I feel like my dominant personality got me into this situation, but now I feel unfulfilled in the cuddle department because we don’t even bother.”

2. “My husband and I alternate because he fucking loves being little spoon. Sometimes I feel like, as an oppressed female, I deserve more little spooning. He tells me that I can’t pull that card when it comes to cuddles.”

three. “Both my ex and I wanted to be the little spoon. Pretty sure there’s a metaphor in there for why we ultimately didn’t work out.”

four. “ It’s like a punchline with my friends that my boyfriend likes to be the little spoon. I don’t care and neither does he, but we both admit we’re giant babies who need plenty of affection, hence the battle to be the little spoon.”

five. “I’m in a relationship with a man and I definitely prefer to be the little spoon because I’m a selfish human being. However, he likes to be little spoon so we take turns.”

Learning #four: Some spooners are held again (or had been) through gender norms.

1. “We do both. My boyfriend is always asking me to spoon him before falling asleep. In my past relationships I was rarely the big spoon even though I really enjoyed it!”

2. “An ex of mine (a big guy) always wanted to be the little spoon but was afraid to ask. I prefer to be the big spoon and asked if he wanted to swap. He was super excited and that arrangement became our go-to!”

three. “Heterosexual male here. Always big spoon. I’d like to be small, but it’s almost never happened. It feels weird to ask.”

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four. “I have definitely been with guys in the past who felt that being spooned was belittling or demeaning, and were made uncomfortable at the prospect (and my attempts).”

five. “I am always little spoon, even though he’s 5’8″ and I’m 6’0”. AND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IN HIS HEART HE WANTS MY FOOD BABY ON HIS BACK. Men are advanced creatures. He loathes being little spoon. He ‘doesn’t like the sensation of vulnerability.’”

6. “I’m tall (6’0”). I’ve dated one man shorter than me and I refused to big-spoon him for purely egotistical causes. I didn’t need to be reminded that I used to be ‘bigger’ than my spouse.”

Learning #five: Many affiliate the little spoon with neediness, and the massive spoon with protectiveness.

1. “I think being the little spoon makes you feel safe, like having one of those heavy thunder blankets that are for dogs or humans with anxiety.”

2. “I like being little spoon because it makes me feel safe. I spend all day making big decisions and sometimes I want a place of comfort and a place where I know someone has my back. Literally, I guess. Sometimes I’m big spoon but only if he needs some reassurance or comfort.”

three. “My current boyfriend says little spoon actually helps to curb his occasional anxiety and big spoon allows him to show love and a measure of protectiveness.”

four. “We have been going together for eight years and switch up the spoon roles. I like to feel like I’m a nurturing big spoon and he also likes his back rubbed. But when I’m having a horrible day and need to be held, he steps up as the best big spoon.”

five. “I love being the big spoon because I’m certainly more emotionally needy than my partner and it’s one thing I can do to care for him physically. His love language is physical touch and mine is words of affirmations so it works well. I cuddle him and he talks to me!”

Learning #6: The bodily dimension of spooners is of various result.

1. “75% of the time I’m the big spoon, which is funny because my husband is almost a foot taller than me. But I just like it better. More control over giving him an anaconda squeeze.”

2. “I’m a girl and usually the little spoon, which I feel just makes more sense size-wise, since my boyfriend is eight inches taller than me.”

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three. “My man partner and I take turns. I’m a lady and I like to spoon him because my face fits perfectly between his shoulder blades.”

four. “I’m 5’3″ and my husband is 6’3″ and, more often than not, I am the big spoon and I love it and so does he. He will straight up ask me to hold him.”

five. “Big spoon. I’m a woman with a significantly bigger male partner. It’s nice being the big spoon because you get more personal space and aren’t so squished.”

Learning #7: Some other folks really feel restricted through the “spoon” metaphor.

1. “I love being big spoon but he’s so big I feel like a sloth just hanging onto a branch.”

2. “I’m always the big spoon! Because of the height difference, it makes me feel like I’m a rocket pack!”

three. “I feel like a koala when big spooning my boyfriend because he’s way taller.”

four. “I say if you think you’re going to sleep facing away from me you best be prepared for a koala on your back through the night.”

five. “My boyfriend is almost always the big spoon, although sometimes in the middle of the night I roll over to him and am his ‘jetpack.’ I love being the little spoon but it makes me anxious because sometimes I fart on him when I fall asleep.”

Bonus: “I prefer to lie face down and have my partner lie flat directly on top of me. The weight is so calming and eases my anxiety. Not spooning per se…maybe spatula-ing?”

Learning #eight: People, total, are complete of spooning knowledge.

1. “To quote Andy Samberg in Brooklyn Nine-Nine, ‘Everyone loves to be the little spoon! It makes you’re feeling secure!’”

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2. “We all need to be the little spoon sometimes. It’s a comfort thing.”

three. “I think that people in general like to hold and be held by the one they love, full stop. ”

four. “I once overheard a woman on the street tell her boyfriend, ‘The modern man is not afraid to be the little spoon,’ so maybe we’re growing as a society.”

five. “No one can always be the big spoon.”

Please weigh in on my necessary analysis.

Collages through Louisiana Mei Gelpi.

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